Lady How to: Getting over a break-up

Whether it was a month, 5 months, or five years, all relationships have an effect on you. They change your perspective no matter what and will alter how you react to all future romantic situations going forward. As someone who has struggled (for years) with getting over relationships, I have a few tips that might help.

  1. If it’s over, then let it be over. Do not go back. EVER. This usually happens with relationships that were long and intense. It is my firm belief that once a relationship ends, it is nearly impossible to try and repair it. The result will be a worse relationship that is comprised of the tattered remains of the previous relationship.
  2. Don’t remain friends for at least a year. You cannot be friends with someone you were in a relationship with right away. All that will happen is you’ll try really hard to not picture them naked and will fail miserably. Also, friends talk to each other, and you should not talk to them about your new single life. They will pretend to listen and will slowly be dying inside and becoming more and more bitter until it’s their turn to talk. Then you’ll be sorry you ever shared that personal information, because now they are telling you all about this other person. You can try not to compare yourself to this new person, but you will fail. Now you’re both upset and can no longer enjoy your meal.
  3. Take up a new hobby. It is likely that when you were together you did everything as a unit. Now that you are single, you still have the same interests and therefore everything you do reminds you of them. Additionally, since you always used to do the same things, you’ll try and maintain your previous hobbies and instead you’ll be entirely too distracted to even try an enjoy yourself. You will go to the weekly meet-up and dress as if its laundry day and all you had to wear was your best outfit. Your face will be a mix of nervous anxiety as your eyes dash around every time someone makes a noise or a door opens and being overly calm and you try desperately to look your best from every angle just in case they are watching. The best thing to do is try a new sport, or pick up pottery making. Anything that keeps you occupied, while also avoiding the familiar.
  4. Distance yourself from friends with a bipartisan opinion of the relationship. I don’t mean that you have to get rid of all mutual acquaintances, but it would be wise to limit your visits with mutual friends to once every two weeks (max). They will only remind you of good times that were had when your life wasn’t in shambles. You also will have more to talk about if you space out your visits so as not to realize that the basis of your entire friendship was that relationship.
  5. Don’t date until you are ready to date. Just because you are now single, doesn’t mean you have to immediately jump into the dating game again. All you’re going to do is go on a bunch of impulse or pity dates that you don’t enjoy and compare them to the newly ended relationship. Of course they aren’t going to get the inside joke you had about the creep Wednesday night bartender, and it’s not fair to anyone involved to expect as much. Many people will encourage you to “get out there” and “meet new people”. These are terrible ideas given to you by people who are either in a committed relationship, or who are similarly miserable and want nothing more than to make themselves feel validated by reviling in your misery.

These are simply tips based on my observations, but for your own safety I recommend giving some serious thought to the above information.

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