How (NOT) to meet someone you idolize…

DO:

  • Presentation:You should look and smell your best. They will take one look at you and instantly decide that you need to be a part of their life.
  • Communication: Think of at least three interesting questions that no other fan has ever asked ever and a few witty quips and jokes for when they inevitably strike up a conversation about how interesting you are.
  • Practice: Make sure to practice the smile and pose you will be using when they ask to take a picture with you. You want to look good, but not steal the show. After all, there are other people waiting to meet them.

Don’t:

  • Presentation: Over dress so when they see you they will know instantly that it is a facade and not real so their opinion of you is even lower than if you showed up in your pajamas.
  • Communication: Repeat the question and jokes you are going to ask over and over in your head so you look like a psychopath. Also don’t decide on a question and say something that is a mix of all three questions so that it makes no sense. They will genuinely wonder what you were saying and now you will have their complete attention. With that attention you are going to walk away nervously repeating one of the jokes, but in the most offensive way possible.
  • Practice: Look at yourself in the mirror so much before leaving the house that you begin to invent things about your face that bother you and will be completely unnoticeable to anyone without microscopes permanently attached to their face. While you wait in line to take the picture that you paid $50 for, mess with your hair to the point where it no longer looks effortlessly done, and now looks like a fuzzy wig that you tried to make look natural. Once the picture comes up you should forget all smiles and poses that you practiced and just make a face that shows how much you can barely contain your excitement while also trying to smile. You strike a pose that looks like you were holding your breath for an hour and have all of the sudden exhaled and you completely forget what to do with your hands.

FYI: My picture was with Jason Momoa.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0597388/

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Movies no one should re-watch: Spider Man 2

I remember when this movie first came out, and even though it never boasted to be anything more than a summer super hero movie, I loved it. The fight scenes and Easter eggs and little one liners in all. This being said, I just recently re-watched it and was surprised at everything I hated about it. There are some possible reasons for this change of heart.

Firstly, I never liked Toby Maguire as Spiderman. He is far too self-deprecating and lacks a certain wit that the Spiderman I knew from the comics always had. In addition Andrew Garfield, is a far better (looking and acting) Spiderman.

Second, I know I shouldn’t gripe about the graphics, since the technology was not as advanced as it is now and that will always be the case when comparing new movies to old movies, however with this in mind I must say that the fighting sequences in Spiderman 2 are so subpar. Doc Ock is a regular man with mechanical appendages, so when he gets hit with a banker desk and his mechanical friends are all splayed out, he should have some marks, a broken bone, or any indication that he was just hit by a desk and sent through a glass door into a taxi.

Thirdly and most important, I did not realize when first watching this movie how many women were hired purely for their ability to look terrified and scream. There are at least 7 too many women whose sole purpose is to indicate that there is a big scary thing in the area. I haven’t run into the street while a giant mechanical maniac is throwing cars everywhere, but I am pretty sure my reaction would not be to stand in the middle of the street screaming and being completely useless. But who cares… since women are obviously the weaker of the two sexes.