“Is it Facebook Official?”

For the past 6 years I have been on a relationship status rollercoaster with one guy after the other almost making the grade and then falling short (figuratively and sometimes literally), and every time a man entered my life, I was asked if it was official. Not just official personally, but “Facebook official.” It is as if Facebook is the mighty site for all things true and real. For reality to have meaning it must be recorded amongst its many “Like” buttons. How do you know you have friends at all if you have never been “Poked”?

I have no idea when the transition occurred, but I recently realized that no one asks me about my life anymore. They only get their information from Facebook. I know this based on the comments I hear on the rare occasion I actually see my family and interact in the same space and time. These comments usually look sound like, “Dear, are you ok? I haven’t heard anything from you in over a month.” To which my response is, “Aunt [Insert name], We haven’t spoken since Christmas… A year ago.”

At no point is Big Brother Facebook going to know when I am in a relationship. I don’t need people who are mutual friends of a coworker from 5 years ago commenting on my life. I would be less uncomfortable if a total stranger came up to me and my boyfriend and congratulated us on our successful relationship.

PS. OMG my bae iS super hawt! hashtag 4evs