Hypothesis: If the main picture on a person’s profile covers his face completely, than there is probably a good reason for it.

Constant: My continuous yammering about whatever I could think of that would change his facial expression from looking like he wants to make a life-like puppet of me out of my toe nail clippings.

Independent: The array of facial expressions this guy made throughout our coffee date.

Results: A while back I went on a date with a guy who seemed like a good option. Sure his main picture was of him wearing a wolf mask, but his other picture seemed relatively normal. Plus, honestly, I like dressing up sometimes. We went for coffee because it seemed like a safe enough option. Beer googles are bad news for a first date. So the coffee date was going well until I realized that every time I was talking he would get this resting murderface. At first I thought that this was just a momentary issue that would resolve itself when a new topic was brought up, but that was not the case. If he was talking, he was interesting and made a wide variety of expressions that were actually quite pleasant. When I was talking, he turned off all charm and looked at me like he couldn’t wait until I turned my back so he could rip a hair from my head and being the cloning process.

Conclusion: I am not attracted to people whose resting face is at best chilling and at worst the very root of all evil.